


Call Me, Beep Me

by M_lkT



Category: Sonic the Hedgehog - All Media Types
Genre: For funsies, Other, have not consumed a lot of sonic media in a LONG time lol, ocs low key our self inserts lol, reliving my youth, uh literally almost everyone is involved except im lit doing this from memory
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-18
Updated: 2019-05-03
Packaged: 2019-08-03 20:32:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16332974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/M_lkT/pseuds/M_lkT
Summary: A trio of college drop outs find that they've got a knack for cash grabbing when they work together. Eggman recruits them, under the guise that the girls have been under the watchful eye of Sonic Forces & nothing's gonna stop these girls from making a quick buck.





	1. There on the Double

“You guys go on ahead,” Damien whispers into Jo’s ear, hiding behind her quills  
“Same signal?” Jo asks, looking ahead and smiling at the guests that were gathered in a private and secluded area, celebrating the re-election of the town’s mayor.   
“Like always,” Damien pats Jo’s shoulder, about ready to hop off her shoulder. The sound of static immediately stops her. 

“Gross, Kiera, can’t you swallow before you talk to us?” Jo sighs, frowning as she re-adjusts her earring-microphone. 

“Apologies,” The girls could even hear Kiera’s lazy smirk, “but I'm just dropping y'all a line - seems like there’s been a breach of privacy and it’s been quickly overridden.”

Jo and Damien stare at each other questioningly.   
“Well?” Damien speaks into Jo’s earing.   
“...Well what?” Kiera takes a slurp of something, either soda or something from Starbucks.   
“Aren’t you going to tell us who we should be on the lookout for?” Jo hisses, attempting a false smile at a woman who raised a brow.

“...Well,” Both girls could hear the wince in Kieras voice. They stiffle a groan and Damien crosses her arms across her chest,leaning against Jo’s cheek. 

“So, are we bailing?”  
“Yeah right,” Kiera scoffs, “We got something to loot in the goddamn safe the mayor’s hiding, we’re not leaving without it.” 

Damien’s tail flicks impatiently, “Well, then? What’re we supposed to do.”   
“Sit tight for now, enjoy a snack and refreshment. Get some air. I don’t have the details so far, I’m attempting to trace back with whatever the hell they used on the alarm system.”

Jo sighs, twisting a quill- dread around her thumb and index finger.  
“What a mad banquet of darkness,” She sighs. 

“Listen to me,” Kiera insists, “Just distract yourself for a minute. I should be getting some information in a few minutes, but report back on any weird shit. I’m gonna have to dig up a clue on who’s about to crash the party,” 

With that, the static noise clicks off. Jo and Damien shrug.   
\--

Kiera clicks away at the seemingly endless amount of monitors, digging though news articles and city documents, attempting to piece together a quick look out list for the girls. She takes a bite of her crunchwrap supreme as she read through Mobius City’s documentation of damage caused by an Egg man.   
“Alexa, look up Egg Man.” 

“Looking up Eggman; Eggman Robotnik is a rotund mad scientist who plans to conquer the world in order to build his own Eggman Empire.”

“Egg-mpire” Kiera chuckles.

“Eggman possesses the ability to create machines and robots, including a wide variety of Badniks.”

“Oh fuck, worm?” Kiera mumbles, looking up “Badniks”. 

Most of his Badniks seemed to be engineered to resemble bugs, or even animals, but one stood out very clearly Kiera. A robot version of the ever famous Sonic the Hedgehog, looking much colder to his fleshy counterpart. Kiera’s hair stands on its ends, once she sees the damage Eggman’s caused around Mobius and other planets.   
\--

Jo was entertaining middle aged humans, throwing in bits and pieces of conversation as she saw fit while Damien was hiding under the buffet bar, snacking on chilled fruits.

Damien’s ears flickered when she heard the sound of a high pitched whistle. 

“Wouldn’t you imagine how late it’s gotten? The night sky has finally reached its way across the ocean, starts reflecting and twinkling off it’s surface.” Jo smiles apologetically, waving her audience adieu.

Damien skitters to Jo, too quick for the human eye -   
She squeals when something that definitely wasn’t a human hand squeeze around her waist. Jo’s head picks up, able to catch what others couldn’t.

“Damien’s been caught,” Jo says breathlessly, watching the woman-bat examine the fennec struggling in her hold. 

“Oh fuck,” Kiera growls. “I’ll be there as soon as I can, right now you need to find a distraction -”  
“What about the loot?”  
“We’ll come back for it another day, right now the both of you need to get out of there!” 

Jo looks back up when she hears people gasp and shriek at the entrance doors being blown wide open, the wall around its cracking and both doors falling off its hinges. 

“Well, Well, Well,” A man looks directly into Jo’s view.   
“That’s Eggman! It’s too late to get out easy, you need to weasel your way out!”   
“Has the Sonic Forces got themselves another new, little spy?”  
The bat woman that caught Damien flew towards the round man, opening her palm. Damien, luckily takes her chance and makes a beeline towards Jo, Eggman growling when she slips out of his reach.. 

“Christ, are you alright?!” Jo frantically whispers as Damien climber up her arm and back to her shoulder.  
“I’m fine. Convince them we’re not working for anyone. I heard the bat and the hedgehog guy say something about a ransom.” 

“Listen,” Jo starts carefully, “We’re not looking for trouble.”

The trio laughs, the bat-woman shaking her head. 

“Not the way to start a conversation with us,” She smirks fiendishly. The one next to her, a black hedgehog keeps his arms across his chest, observing Jo with a careful eye.

“How can I trust that you’re not here to...expose us?” Jo lets out stupidly.   
All three raise a brow, turning to each other. 

“Uh...excuse me?” The man in the middle, Eggman, places his hands on his hips.   
“Well -” Jo sputters, tongue tied for once.

“Well, we…”

 

“Tell them we’re supposed to be under the radar,” Kiera finally voices in, “I’m outside, take three steps to the window.”

“We… we’re... laying low. You’re going to blow our cover, we’ll be kicked out of the forces -”

 

‘Why should that matter?” The black hedgehog grumbles, “We’re out to stomp out any relations he’s got - “

“Which is why,” Jo slowly inches towards the window, able to hear the zero gravity mobile, hovering just outside the window. The top was open, so her and Damien could fall right in.

“We’ll be kicked out before we can get any information on Sonic and Forces.”

“Sonic Forces,” Eggman corrects. 

“Sonic Forces, yeah.” Jo repeats absentmindedly. The crowd that had gather was nearly gone, maybe hiding somewhere in the mayor’s private villa while the mayor himself was being escorted back to safety.  
The bat scowls in realization as Jo nears the open window.

“You buffoons,” She hissed, crouching down, ready to launch herself at Jo and Damien, “They’re escaping! Get th-” 

The bat startles when Eggman yanks her back before she could fly towards them. 

“I’ve got a feeling we’ll be seeing them again.” Eggman strides toward Jo, who’s already got a foot on the window’s pain, ready to hop out. 

“The fact you’re already attempting to blow this popsicle stand is telling, the Sonic Fighter’s would’ve stayed behind and fought us and the badniks to the death.” He hands Jo a hard drive, which Jo takes hesitantly. 

“This will self destruct twenty four hours after being activated, but not before alerting the authorities to your whereabouts.” 

Jo clutches onto the drive, ignoring Kiera’s voice demanding her to jump for it. 

“There’s more information in there than the Sonic Forces has on us - in fact, think of this as… job scouting,” Eggman chuckles darkly. 

“There’s even some...bounty in there, prior to taking up my offer.” 

“....how much?” Kiera voice breaks through the earring microphone.   
“How much.” Jo parrots. 

“A bit coin. If you’re unfamiliar with that, you’ll be given 6k before you start.” 

“...Tell him we’ll think about it” Kiera mumbles.

“We’ll think about it.” Jo salutes them quickly, let her knee drop as she fell backwards into the mobile. Kiera immediately stomps on the accelerator, the girls miles away from the villa before you could blink an eye.


	2. *hacker voice* i'm in

“For fucks sake,” Damien exhales heavily through her mouth. She kicks off her boots, heading straight for her bedroom. Kiera and Jo follow behind the fennec, frazzled.

“...it could’ve gone worse, actually.” Kiera giggles, uncertainty. Jo rolls her eyes, smacking Kiera behind the head.

“You could’ve come for us sooner, actually.” Jo mocks. Kiera’s arms fly up above her head, frowning.

“I didn’t know about any Eggman or that Bat girl!” Kiera whines.

“There was another with them. Like a gothic Sonic the hedgehog.”

“Uh yeah. Shadow the hedgehog - Well, listen before we mess with the drive, we should do some research on these guys. Were there an badniks?” Kiera tosses her jacket onto the couch that they got at a yard sale. 

Their apartment was kind of run down, but still homey. The living room and kitchen were the most relatively clean areas of their abode and so the girls usually spent their time in there when they either had no plans or had an easy day. Jo made a note to vacuum tomorrow when everyone was awake. 

“Not really,” Jo shrugs, “maybe two or three. I think they were pretty confident on crashing the place - which reminds me - what were they after?”

“Beats me,” Kiera sighs, running a hand down her face her bobcat ears flickering in annoyance.

“Might’ve been our loot, or maybe they were looking for some sort of contact with Sonic.” Kiera shrugs. 

“Anyway, we can still get in in that action and make money to replace or add onto what we were supposed to take tonight. So,”

Kiera walks to their little round dining room table, taking a seat on of the chairs that needs to be desperately replaced.

“Listen, that bat woman? That’s Rouge the Bat.” Kiera opens the laptop she left on the table, turning it over so Jo can take a look as she makes herself comfortable. Jo slips out of her high heels, unzipping the back of the dress in order to breathe easier.

“Dress is too tight,” Jo hisses. She finally takes a seat next to Kiera, and reads through the articles Kiera has open.

“She works for the government?” Jo looks up from the screen,”that doesn’t explain why she’d -“

“Mm,” Kiera nods her head, “but she’s a thief too. Don’t get why she don’t get us, we’re in the same boat, practically.”

Jo reaches for the cheez it’s box Kiera had also left on the table, scooping a handful out and pouring it directly into her mouth.

“What I don’t get is why she’s working for Eggman as of late.” Kiera mumbles, turning the laptop back to her, tapping and sliding her fingers in the screen. She opens up a whole new page with new links, now onto Eggman’s other assistant, Shadow the Hedgehog.

“Apparently this dudes worked with Sonic and his buddies a couple times, but it seems to be for his own gain.” Kiera pops her neck , “nobody can really figure him out. Except maybe Rouge, but I’m sure it’ll come for a price.”

“So, in other words?”  
“Please be true,” Kiera sing-songs. Jo states at her unimpressively.

“In other words,” Kiera rolls her eyes, “We Can make so much fucking money if we play our cards right! No strings attached by the end!”

“But we’d have to find someplace else to live to be sure of it,” Jo mumbles, “when are we going to stop following the wind? We have to find something that’s going to have us sit still at some point -“

“And we will, once we have enough cash!” Kiera nods enthusiastically, “we just pick up a little more spare change and we’ll be off, to Earth or wherever! We just need something to fall back on in case anything goes awry.”

“So? What do you say?” Kiera stands, striding over to where Jo had left her jacket on the sofa. Kiera digs her paws into her pockets, retrieving the drive Eggman had given Jo.

“...maybe when Damien’s awake. Or at least out of her bedroom. I think Rouge grabbing her out of nowhere freaked her out a little.”

Kiera pouts, fiddling with the drive. She let sup after a minute, putting the drive back where she found it. 

“Alright. We still have time, we haven’t activated anything. But have to do it at some point tomorrow.”

“And we will, Cellar Spider,” Jo yawns, stretching her arms over her head, “today was stressful, we almost got caught. Just give us time to think at least.”

“...of course,” Kiera smiles gently. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to rush you guys. I’m just excited.”

“We get it.” Jo waves her hand dismissively. “But Anyway, I’m going to bed. You should too, give your eyes a rest. You look like a pothead with your red eyes.

“Oh,” Kiera clicks her tongue, “they're just dried out.”  
“All the more reason to sleep - Without your tech stuff on standby.”

Kiera laughs, but nods. “Okay. Night, dude.” Kiera closes the laptop, heading towards her bedroom she hardly uses, void of any computers and such.

“Night.” Jo waves as she enters her own room, closing the door gently behind her.


	3. egg

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy FICK mom did you se the Sonic movie trailer what the fuck is hapeningn to the animation industry Obama help me

Over brunch, the girls discuss what you could call a draft of what they had planned after Kierra dug up past and current information of Sonic and his team. It had been a few hours since they opened the program Eggman’s handed them, a timer highlighted neon red, counting down the hours before its set to self destruct without intervention.

They’ve discovered, without surprise, that it’s been success after success for what you can imagine for a legendary hero. All girls roll their eyes with each report they move onto. No matter the injury, Sonic the Hedgehog always recovers lickety-split and saves the day. 

“You’d think he’d be out of the job by now, dude’s nearly died too often to count,” Kiera mumbles.

“Mobius still needs its guardian and defender, and I suppose there won’t be someone like Sonic to ever replace him.” Jo yawns, smacking the holographic news article as if it were real paper. It makes a quiet ‘whoosh’ sound when Jo’s hand pierced it, and another when it reassembled itself. 

Damien plays with her oatmeal in comfortable silence, watching the girls at work.

“So what? We just pretend to be Sonic followers and infiltrate his base?” Kiera mumbles, spooning a mouthful of oatmeal into her mouth.

“Of course not,” Damien scoffs suddenly.

“We won’t get in as fans,” Jo agrees,“It seems we really might need Eggman’s help for this.” She scratches the side of her head, then letting her hands fall to her dreadlock-like quills, playing with them.

Kiera sighs, carding through the articles and information. Nothing about this seemed right. No villain would just hand over their information like a business card - Rouge had all the reason to be angry with Eggman. 

“Why didn’t the other one care?” Kiera chews on the spoon she left in her mouth. 

“Hm?” 

“Huh? Oh. Nothing I was just.” Kiera inhales and suddenly the spoon is nearly lodged at the back of her throat. She makes a hacking noise that all but terrifies Jo into action, slapping Kiera between her shoulder blades as hard as possible until Kiera coughs up the spoon.

The spoon slides across the plastic table, covered in saliva, leaving a trail of spit.

“You’re so fucking nasty,” Damien sighs, taking her bowl to the sink, losing her appetite after the revolting display.

“Yuck… are you okay?” Jo wipes her hands on her shirt as if she had directly touched the spit covered spoon herself. Kiera nods, heaving.

“Yeah fam,” she nods, low key crying.

“Anyway,” Damien returns to the table with napkins she hands to Kiera, “Clean up your mess - but uh, yeah. Should we just like. Look for Eggman? Did he leave any contact information?”

Jo takes over the system as Kiera wipes at the spit covered table top. 

“Uh. He just left us coordinates.” Jo copy pastes it onto Google maps. The results come in and she hits the ‘print’ option.

“Okay so like…” Kiera returns from dumping the napkins into the trash, disinfectant wipes in her hand, and wipes down the table with them, “how do we stop the timer?”

The girls look to see that the timer did not, in fact, stop itself after taking the coordinates.

“Can’t you just hack your way into it to stop it?” Damien asks

“I already tried that” Kiera frowns. The girls let their shoulders drop in realization. Of course this information wouldn’t have been given up without any strings attached.

“Ah.” The girls say in unison. “We would have needed Eggman’s help in the end anyway, huh.”


	4. Seinfield theme

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “My friends may have the patience and the brains to mind their manners but I don’t. Either give us the stupid tour or get us the hell outta here.”

Kierra was twiddling her thumbs, Jo gripping tightly to her quill-dreads in an attempt to smooth them down, while Damien stayed right at their feet, tail swishing back in forth anxiously.

The girls were being led by neon-lit arrows inside of Eggman’s base, all girls sticking close to each other, elbow in elbow or clinging onto clothing, in Damien’s case.

“We shouldn’t have taken up the deal,” Jo all but whines.

Kierra shrugs, but the wilt in her voice didn’t go unnoticed by the other two, “It’s too late to go back now. We just have to make the best of it. It’s not like we’re POWs, right?”

Damien blows a strand of her bang away from her face, arms crossing over her chest.

“I sure hope not.”

They’re taken into a dark room, lit only by advanced computer monitors and maps pulled up with locations marked, little descriptions pulled up alongside marked locations.

“I see you’ve taken up my little invitation.” They hear Eggman chuckle from the Shadows. Kierra kicks herself in the ass, how foolish of her to forget to bring in weapons or mic the girls in case they were separated. 

“No weapons, excellent.” Eggman says, stepping into the light, back upright and looking towards the girls.

“Wouldn’t have done you any good had you brought them, you would’ve been stopped and taken in for...questioning.” He grins wickedly, hands up to his face, fingers wiggling.

“Rogue, Shadow.” Eggman calls, snapping his fingers. “Get acquainted with these three. Show them the ropes, make sure our guests feel at home.”

“Can’t you get one of your bots to do it? We’ve got our own work to do.” Rogue flies in, her heels clicking against the floor as she gracefully lands. Shadow manages his way in with his heelys, staring the girls down.

“You’re not serious, are you?” Shadow sighs, clearly unimpressed.

“...we’ve got plenty to bring to the table.” Kierra takes offense quickly. Jo quickly smacks her side, Damien hops from Jo’s shoulder to Kierra’s.

“Play nice, Kierra, we need to find an out before we boast.” Damien growls lowly. Kierra shuts her mouth, knowing this. She’ll tend to her wound later, she supposes..

Rogue smiles lazily, sizing up the girls. “I’m sure you do, sweetie. But leave the big talk to the big kids,” She winks.

“Oh hell,” Damien stammers.

Kierra moves her shoulder gently, but warningly, “Not the time, you fucking lesbian, focus.”

Damien lets out a haughty ‘hmph!’. Jo lets a small smile creep up her lips, but remains quiet.

“Shadow, do you mind? I’ll pick up whatever you need to do.”

“I could do the same for you,” Shadow raises a brow.

“Wow, nobody wants to show us around, eh?” Damien says, voice monotone.

“Nobody, Nobody, Nooobody…” Kierra and Jo whisper to themselves.

“Fine.” Shadow growls,” all of it better be done by tomorrow, Rogue. You owe me.”

“Of course, my dear.” Rogue teases, laughing and waving everyone off.

“Oh, and girls?” Rogue calls.

The girls stop, turning to face Rogue.

“Shadow doesn’t like being slowed down, so try to keep up with him.” 

“...ugh, she tells us when we stop walking.” Kierra clicks her tongue.

“We can still catch up, he’s not very far.” Jo points out. The girls quickly jog to catch up with the noir hedgehog, who’s much quieter than before.

“...so Eggman.” Jo attempts small talk.  
Shadow’s annoyance is shown as he turns to face Jo.

“I...um… w-well…”

Shadow keeps glaring at her, still not stopping.

“...Okay, thanks.” Jo averts her eyes, embarrassed at her defeat. Kierra scowls. Who does Shadow think he is, treating her friend so coldly? 

“Throw us a bone, won’t you?” Damien hops of Kierra’s shoulder, skittering to keep pace with Shadow,  
“If we’re going to be supposed teammates, we need information to our mission. We don’t even know why Eggman wants us here, but it sure seems like we’re more trouble than we’re worth.”

Kierra fights the lazy grin making her way up toward her lips. Damien might just be able to weasel all three of them out if she plays her cards right.

Shadow finally halts, his shoes squeaking under the tile floor as he drags his feet to turn to the girls.

“What did Rogue say out there?”

“...to not get in your way?” Jo responds meekly.

“And what are you two doing?” Shadow looks between Jo and Damien. Damien’s tail flicks in annoyance while Jo drops her eyes and plays with her dreads yet again.

“Okay dipshit, quit putting my friends in a shit mood. We’re doing our best to go along with whatever Eggboy, you, and Rogue say.” Kierra steps forward, walking right up to Shadow’s space. He doesn’t flinch, nor take a step back.

“My friends may have the patience and the brains to mind their manners, but I don’t. Either give us the stupid tour, or get us the hell out of here.” Kierra growls lowly.

“We’d hate to further get in your way, Shadow.”

The two state each other down for a minute, Jo reaching her hand out to tug Kierra back and to get her to just back down. Damien knocks her hand away, shaking her head.

“An unstoppable force meets an immovable object. Let them settle it out.” 

Shadow harrumphs, shoulders set like he’s ready to lunge.

“Stop asking stupid questions that’ll get answered.” He says and resumes walking down the hall, into a lounge room.

“Lounge room,” Shadow points out lazily. “There’s a pantry there. Don’t eat everything, grocery shopping is a pain in the ass, especially when you’re wanted.”

“Don’t doubt it.” Kierra replies testily. The girls watch, their brows raised, low key hoping for a fistfight. 

“We’re busy most times to stop and enjoy ourselves. We take our work seriously.” Shadow looks point blank at the girls.

This time, Jo grabs and yanks into Kierra’s elbow, the need for a fight long gone. Damien hops back up onto Kierra’s shoulder, flicking her ear.

“We’ve an enemy already, I think. Cut it out.”

“Your bunks are around the corner.” Shadow leads them out once more, taking them to said corner and punches in a code next to the automatic slide doors. 

The doors slide upon and reveals a large monochromatic room, revealing a triple bunk bed and a large desk, the same computers the girls spotted out in the entrance hooked up to their...room.

“W…” Kierra begins. Shadow turns, face unmoving.

“We’re not actually like...living or staying here, are we? We just payed rent last week.” Kierra frowns. 

Shadow doesn’t blink.

“...You’re joking. We’re not staying here.” Kierra puts her hands on her hips.

“Not my place to say if you don’t.” Shadow shrugs, “but if you ask me, play along and Eggman might not just get rid of you so easy.”

Shadow walks away with a dismissive flick of his wrist.

“WE JUST PAYED THE FUCKING RENT!!!” Kierra all but screams, the lights flickering with the shrill tone of her voice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey vine it’s been like uh months busy with school and all that jazz but uh sonic ?? Movie ??? Don’t kill the animators please.


End file.
